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Exgay Guilt

April 28, 2013

As someone who is openly exgay/celibate gay I must admit I feel a great deal of guilt.  Every time I hear about a kid kicked out of his house for being gay, every time I hear about a gay bashing on a college campus, every time I hear about the suicide of a lesbian who could not take the rejection of her family any more I feel a little pang of guilt.  Am I responsible in some small way?  Is my belief in Christ and a conservative sexual ethic some how contributing to this hatred in the world?  Tough questions without easy answers.

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  1. Although I don’t agree with the idea of being an “Ex-Gay” in any way, shape or form, I can appreciate your post and what you feel towards others. I think regardless of a persons view of homosexuality, it’s a human factor to feel for people who are hurt for who they are. So unless you are personally involved in these peoples lives, I don’t see how your decision to not acknowledge you true self and live according to a Christian ideal would somehow affect them. My interest in this post, and the guilt you are feeling, would point more toward your conflicts with your sexuality and your Christian belief. Let me explain… I was raised in private Catholic school and listened to the “Word of God” every Wednesday at school mass for 11 of 12 years. As an adult I discovered that my conflict, guilt and confusion was with “Religion”, not my faith in God. And I came to this conclusion only after seeing the vast amounts of differences from one religion to another. I went to Temple, I went to a Buddhist service, Evangelical, Methodist etc. I discovered that there were many many interpretations of the “Word”. And even though these differences were vast, one was no more correct then the other. I learned that it was ok to be the way I was created and with that knowledge I became even closer to God. The love and compassion I had for others became stronger. The need to give, care and appreciate life and nature became even greater. And the love for myself blossomed because of it. I can’t say I lead the perfect life, and some wouldn’t agree with some of my decisions. But those decisions make up a part of who I am.

  2. I hope that’s not the case. As some one who experiences same-sex attraction but doesn’t live it out, I have positive relationships with both gay Christians who are open and affirming, and with non-Christians in the LGBTQ community. Hate is never an option for Christians, and gaybashing, homophobia are not representative of Christ. Guilt won’t effect the change in response you hope to see, joy in the gospel will. I hope God uses you to point people to hope in Christ and help change the conversation i the Christian community.

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