Skip to content

Dealing With My Heterosexual Side

May 15, 2013
Tea Leoni

Tea Leoni

I remember the exact moment I began to be sexually attracted to women.  I was 32 years old working my job as a ramper for an airline helping move bags in the baggage service area.  All of a sudden I realized I was checking out a couple of women that were bent over picking up their bags.  And the thoughts going through my head were not Christian by any means-suffice it to say I wasn’t thinking “Wow those jeans fit her real nice”-At that moment time stopped for me, I was instantly gripped by a profound sense of panic and confusion, my entire identity was under attack.  I knew in that instant that this was not a one time thing that would pass and I knew that this had profound effects on my identity as an exgay Christian moving forward.


People think that the exgay movement is about turning people that have exclusively homosexual desires into people that have exclusively heterosexual desires, it isn’t.  The exgay movement has always tried to help people get involved in a loving and caring heterosexual marriage with unique challenges (i.e. getting turned on by your brother-in-law more than your wife).  Being “turned on” by women has not been an easy thing for me-I would define my sexual identity as 85% homosexual and 15% heterosexual.  I don’t feel straight or bi-sexual I would identify more as a celibate gay Christian.

I did think that I would possibly get involved in a relationship with a woman and maybe get married, but I am 42 now and that never happened.  I have been celibate for over 10 years and will probably be so the rest of my life.  As A Christian this is tough to take.  I do not want to be alone, but as A Conservative Christian this is my only option.


The Interesting thing about this is that these desires developed a few years after my brief foray into a “gay lifestyle”, what is even more interesting is that after 25 years in the exgay movement I have never met another male that this has happened to.  I have never met an exgay married or single that has developed sexual lust for women, especially at 32 years of age!  I have met a very few men who honestly identified as bi-sexual and I have met many women whose sexual identity has changed over the years, but no one like me.

I am unique, I wish I weren’t.

…..Oh yeah, and Tea Leoni is hot.

From → Exgay, Uncategorized

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: